A lot of life lessons, or attempts at life lessons, are often circular or cyclical in nature. Life has a way of balancing itself out, and we only really get to learn it once we travel the entire circle.
Take for example the good old fashioned dating advice that we have all gotten - “Just Be Yourself”. It’s the piece of advice we have all gotten when we were lost, insecure and in need of guidance. And in that moment – it is the worst possible advice because how can you tell someone to be themselves when they haven’t really found themselves yet? You can’t.
But on the flip side – if you like who you are and where you’re at – it doesn’t get better than “just be yourself”. I’ll use me as an example – I’m weird. I talk about random shit. I’m overenthusiastic. I couldn’t be the “strong silent type” unless you paid me giant sums of money. In fact, I’ve been described by this girl I’m seeing as “a male version of Zooey Deschanel, ’cause you’re quirky as fuck”. If you try to approach girls like I do, you might get embarrassed and laughed out. But it works for me because the way I talk to girls is consistent with my personality. I’m being myself, because I know who I really am.
In the continuous quest of self improvement – we have all had to “break free” at some point. Break free from the ideals, beliefs, people and institutions that were holding us back, no matter if these setbacks were real or imaginary.
But breaking free doesn’t mean being alone, and for a lot of people – this idea is a tough one to grasp. Over on the #NoNothingNovember subreddit - a lot of people are isolating themselves in their quest for self improvement. While this might help in the short term to get organized and focused (and by “short term” i mean a month) – it is absolutely toxic in the long term because man is a social creature, and without social contact – we slowly go insane.
I should know – I’ve been there before. Slowly but surely I was trying to eliminate bad habit after bad habit and rebuild myself with only the power of my own mind, and books. I never asked for help, because I thought that asking for help is the losers way out. I ended up becoming a “self improvement bulimic” – binge on the “good stuff”, “purge” on the bad stuff, without any sense of balance, because I though no one could understand me, and that the rest of the world was too “blue pill” to care about me, and that a “real man” has to do things on his own. I could go days without talking to anyone, because I thought that was the only way.
I was wrong, and it’s a damn shame it took me this long to realize that.
I know I like to sing the praises of Crossfit on this blog, over and over again, but damn did it ever help my mindset. While my motivation was mine and my own – I was no longer alone. I made friends. I suffered through the painful highs and lows of these workouts with similarly minded people, and I improved as a person. It was no longer me, a commercial gym and hours of Joe Rogan podcasts, it was something entirely new. I realized then that I shouldn’t isolate myself, and that in every step of your life, no matter what you do, there are people trying to do the same.
I started going to more manosphere meetups and met all kinds of cool people with crazy stories to tell. We were as diverse as we could get – but we were not alone. And we were ready to help each other out.
So what’s the point of all of this? Reach out. Reach out to people going through the same stuff as you. Reach out in person, or over the internet. Reach out in the good times and the bad. Just reach out.
And I will lead by example. I’m having a particularly hard time quitting smoking cold turkey for #NoNothingNovember. I need help. If you have successfully quit smoking – I want to know how you did it. Thank you in advance, friend.